James, Your Fish-eye Lens story was one of my favorites that I have read! I really liked how in the beginning of every paragraph you have provided some sort of sound effect. This has allowed me to follow along with your story and envision it in a very clear perspective! I like your use of descriptive words throughout your story as well. Whenever you talked about how the waters began to spiral towards the center of the water, I could immediately envision a huge, almost whirlpool-like activity happening. I also think that you make beautiful interpretations of shifts throughout your story, such as when you talk about the river being duller, as if it had fallen asleep. If I were to make a suggestion, it would just be to the end of your story. I was hooked all throughout your story, but I think that whenever it gets towards the end, there may be too much fluff and not enough detail. Great job!!
Hi James! I am going to comment on your Fish-Eye Lens story using WWW. First of all, I love how you used action words as sound effects at the beginning of each paragraph. For example, reading "Gurgle. Swish. Whir." makes me feel like I am next to the waters. I love your story as a perspective of a fish. I wonder, however, how your story would change if a different animal's perspective was show, such as a deer? I don't think you should change your story by any means! I was just wondering how it would change if the animal changed. There was only one suggestion that I would make. What if you underlined the word "thing" in the sentence "Some time later, a new thing forcibly..." rather than italicizing the word? The words you have italicized were the descriptive sound effect words (that I mentioned above). I just thought of this to help the reader. Overall, you have done an excellent job with this story!
That's how I felt reading your story. It was so poetic; I really think you deserve more credit for this masterpiece. It's a shame you only have one story so far, because now I can hardly wait to see what you have next in mind for the POV you're going to write from. Your use of onomatopoeia at the start of each paragraph added so much more element to the story. The way you wrote kept me guessing what you were referencing to sometimes. Was it a skipping stone he's illustrating? Was it another human being's feet? And I loved that aspect. I honestly can't think of any suggestions for you in your revisions... except to hurry up and post your next story! I wish I was as detailed, well-read, and had as good of a vocabulary as you. I haven't even met you and you already inspire me with your writing. Definitely one of my favorites, James! Fantastic work.
I like the layout of your website. It looks really clean and I like the way that it is formatted with the colors. I think your use of the fish has a neutral story teller is very smart. It lets you be impartial to both parties as well as still being able to effectively tell the story. The start of each of your paragraphs are also very unique and interesting. It added a lot more than just the meaning of the three words. It set the tone for the rest of the paragraph. I think maybe adding dialogue to your story might be a good way to make it more relatable. Maybe having the fish think to himself in the form of a thought or talk to another fish might be a good way to incorporate this.
Hi James, really cool description of your portfolio on your home page! I like the concept you are going for. I think as readers, we sometimes miss important details or perspectives. I enjoyed reading your story Fish Eye Lens. Of all perspectives I thought you might use, a fish' perspective was definitely not one of them. It was perplexing to hear a story from below the water--in footsteps, splashes, muttering. I wonder if you plant to continue using this theme, as your project is a portfolio rather than a storybook. I would love to read more stories from different perspectives. Would you continue to use fish? I think there is so much room to work with for this concept. I would love to hear an epic story from the perspective of a human, perhaps a character that normally gets glossed over. It would be fascinating to see the point of view of a servant, rather than a king for example. Or imagine hearing the Ramayana solely from the perspective of Lakshmana. Great work! I think this was a clever idea for your portfolio. I'm looking forward to getting to read more of your stories.
Hiya James, you had me at "bubble, bubble, bubble." Talk about a hook to get me interested but also a little confused? Anyways that confusion was quickly cleared up. The title itself was also awesome as we were seeing this story play out in front of a fish. I really can't wait to see what other perspectives we get in your other stories. The progression of the fish's reactions alone can convey a lot of the story. The banner picture may be better suited to be a fish, but that's just personal opinion. The story itself flows (pun intended) really well! Without even really knowing the characters that well, we can still feel a connection through this fish. It's amazing what an outside perspective can bring to stories. I look forward to reading more of your stories so I can get some more, possibly funny, perspectives. I really like where you're taking your project.
Hi James! I love your topic! I also like that you described what your topic was going to be on your front page. I don’t think I have seen that on many other websites (I didn’t do it on mine either), but I think it sets your readers up to better understand what's about to happen in the portfolio. Also, I liked that you used figurative language and other stylistic techniques in your stories. They catch the reader and also make your stories more enjoyable!! I think one suggestion I have for your images is maybe making the image information more detailed. For example, I know why you used Ganga on your stories page, but maybe in the image information, you could write a little bit more about how she related to your story. I think that can help provide more information to your reader about the importance of the image. My second recommendation is maybe considering to change your cover photo. I think that is one thing you could change each time you add a new page and it will just add to your stories!
First off, I would like to say that, in terms of formatting of your website, I overall enjoyed the ease of navigation and simplicity of the format. Nowadays, there are several websites that are so intricate in their navigational format that it takes away from the main reason that the people are visiting their website, which in our case, is to read stories! Therefore, I think you hit it on the mark in terms of how this website is organized. In terms of the story that you created, the one thing that far intrigued me was the usage of your onomatopoeia in the beginning of each phrase. In addition to the wonderfully worded vivid descriptions of various aspect of the story, it created an immersive feel for the reader. It's like I'm a character in the story itself. Overall, I enjoyed the overall thematic structure of your story, refreshed by the repetition of triplets of sounds at the beginning. Good work! I look forward to reading more from you in the future
Hey James, I just got to read through your portfolio so far and enjoyed your spin on the Mahabharata with "Fish-Eye Lens." For feedback purposes, I was focused in on the author's note. You did a good job explaining the creative paths you took and how they differed from the original story. You might consider still adding a short summary of the original story somewhere in the note, for readers who are not as familiar with the original tale. I had to do this on some of my notes due to how drastically I would change the plot or setting. It often adds extra context that we may have missed in our rehashing to given the reader a more well-rounded experience. Whether or not its necessary for each individual story is definitely a choice the author has to make though, it's not always needed. I'll check back in the future and see how your project is progressed, I've enjoyed your work so far!
James,
ReplyDeleteYour Fish-eye Lens story was one of my favorites that I have read! I really liked how in the beginning of every paragraph you have provided some sort of sound effect. This has allowed me to follow along with your story and envision it in a very clear perspective! I like your use of descriptive words throughout your story as well. Whenever you talked about how the waters began to spiral towards the center of the water, I could immediately envision a huge, almost whirlpool-like activity happening. I also think that you make beautiful interpretations of shifts throughout your story, such as when you talk about the river being duller, as if it had fallen asleep. If I were to make a suggestion, it would just be to the end of your story. I was hooked all throughout your story, but I think that whenever it gets towards the end, there may be too much fluff and not enough detail. Great job!!
Hi James! I am going to comment on your Fish-Eye Lens story using WWW. First of all, I love how you used action words as sound effects at the beginning of each paragraph. For example, reading "Gurgle. Swish. Whir." makes me feel like I am next to the waters. I love your story as a perspective of a fish. I wonder, however, how your story would change if a different animal's perspective was show, such as a deer? I don't think you should change your story by any means! I was just wondering how it would change if the animal changed. There was only one suggestion that I would make. What if you underlined the word "thing" in the sentence "Some time later, a new thing forcibly..." rather than italicizing the word? The words you have italicized were the descriptive sound effect words (that I mentioned above). I just thought of this to help the reader. Overall, you have done an excellent job with this story!
ReplyDeleteEntranced. In awe. Enlightened.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I felt reading your story. It was so poetic; I really think you deserve more credit for this masterpiece. It's a shame you only have one story so far, because now I can hardly wait to see what you have next in mind for the POV you're going to write from. Your use of onomatopoeia at the start of each paragraph added so much more element to the story. The way you wrote kept me guessing what you were referencing to sometimes. Was it a skipping stone he's illustrating? Was it another human being's feet? And I loved that aspect. I honestly can't think of any suggestions for you in your revisions... except to hurry up and post your next story! I wish I was as detailed, well-read, and had as good of a vocabulary as you. I haven't even met you and you already inspire me with your writing. Definitely one of my favorites, James! Fantastic work.
Hi James,
ReplyDeleteI like the layout of your website. It looks really clean and I like the way that it is formatted with the colors. I think your use of the fish has a neutral story teller is very smart. It lets you be impartial to both parties as well as still being able to effectively tell the story. The start of each of your paragraphs are also very unique and interesting. It added a lot more than just the meaning of the three words. It set the tone for the rest of the paragraph. I think maybe adding dialogue to your story might be a good way to make it more relatable. Maybe having the fish think to himself in the form of a thought or talk to another fish might be a good way to incorporate this.
Hi James, really cool description of your portfolio on your home page! I like the concept you are going for. I think as readers, we sometimes miss important details or perspectives. I enjoyed reading your story Fish Eye Lens. Of all perspectives I thought you might use, a fish' perspective was definitely not one of them. It was perplexing to hear a story from below the water--in footsteps, splashes, muttering. I wonder if you plant to continue using this theme, as your project is a portfolio rather than a storybook. I would love to read more stories from different perspectives. Would you continue to use fish? I think there is so much room to work with for this concept. I would love to hear an epic story from the perspective of a human, perhaps a character that normally gets glossed over. It would be fascinating to see the point of view of a servant, rather than a king for example. Or imagine hearing the Ramayana solely from the perspective of Lakshmana. Great work! I think this was a clever idea for your portfolio. I'm looking forward to getting to read more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHiya James, you had me at "bubble, bubble, bubble." Talk about a hook to get me interested but also a little confused? Anyways that confusion was quickly cleared up. The title itself was also awesome as we were seeing this story play out in front of a fish. I really can't wait to see what other perspectives we get in your other stories. The progression of the fish's reactions alone can convey a lot of the story. The banner picture may be better suited to be a fish, but that's just personal opinion. The story itself flows (pun intended) really well! Without even really knowing the characters that well, we can still feel a connection through this fish. It's amazing what an outside perspective can bring to stories. I look forward to reading more of your stories so I can get some more, possibly funny, perspectives. I really like where you're taking your project.
ReplyDeleteHi James! I love your topic! I also like that you described what your topic was going to be on your front page. I don’t think I have seen that on many other websites (I didn’t do it on mine either), but I think it sets your readers up to better understand what's about to happen in the portfolio. Also, I liked that you used figurative language and other stylistic techniques in your stories. They catch the reader and also make your stories more enjoyable!! I think one suggestion I have for your images is maybe making the image information more detailed. For example, I know why you used Ganga on your stories page, but maybe in the image information, you could write a little bit more about how she related to your story. I think that can help provide more information to your reader about the importance of the image. My second recommendation is maybe considering to change your cover photo. I think that is one thing you could change each time you add a new page and it will just add to your stories!
ReplyDeleteJames,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I would like to say that, in terms of formatting of your website, I overall enjoyed the ease of navigation and simplicity of the format. Nowadays, there are several websites that are so intricate in their navigational format that it takes away from the main reason that the people are visiting their website, which in our case, is to read stories! Therefore, I think you hit it on the mark in terms of how this website is organized. In terms of the story that you created, the one thing that far intrigued me was the usage of your onomatopoeia in the beginning of each phrase. In addition to the wonderfully worded vivid descriptions of various aspect of the story, it created an immersive feel for the reader. It's like I'm a character in the story itself. Overall, I enjoyed the overall thematic structure of your story, refreshed by the repetition of triplets of sounds at the beginning. Good work! I look forward to reading more from you in the future
Hey James,
ReplyDeleteI just got to read through your portfolio so far and enjoyed your spin on the Mahabharata with "Fish-Eye Lens." For feedback purposes, I was focused in on the author's note. You did a good job explaining the creative paths you took and how they differed from the original story. You might consider still adding a short summary of the original story somewhere in the note, for readers who are not as familiar with the original tale. I had to do this on some of my notes due to how drastically I would change the plot or setting. It often adds extra context that we may have missed in our rehashing to given the reader a more well-rounded experience. Whether or not its necessary for each individual story is definitely a choice the author has to make though, it's not always needed.
I'll check back in the future and see how your project is progressed, I've enjoyed your work so far!