Comment Wall

Image information: image was downloaded from Wordpress.



To visit my Portfolio website, click here.

Comments

  1. James,
    Your Fish-eye Lens story was one of my favorites that I have read! I really liked how in the beginning of every paragraph you have provided some sort of sound effect. This has allowed me to follow along with your story and envision it in a very clear perspective! I like your use of descriptive words throughout your story as well. Whenever you talked about how the waters began to spiral towards the center of the water, I could immediately envision a huge, almost whirlpool-like activity happening. I also think that you make beautiful interpretations of shifts throughout your story, such as when you talk about the river being duller, as if it had fallen asleep. If I were to make a suggestion, it would just be to the end of your story. I was hooked all throughout your story, but I think that whenever it gets towards the end, there may be too much fluff and not enough detail. Great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi James! I am going to comment on your Fish-Eye Lens story using WWW. First of all, I love how you used action words as sound effects at the beginning of each paragraph. For example, reading "Gurgle. Swish. Whir." makes me feel like I am next to the waters. I love your story as a perspective of a fish. I wonder, however, how your story would change if a different animal's perspective was show, such as a deer? I don't think you should change your story by any means! I was just wondering how it would change if the animal changed. There was only one suggestion that I would make. What if you underlined the word "thing" in the sentence "Some time later, a new thing forcibly..." rather than italicizing the word? The words you have italicized were the descriptive sound effect words (that I mentioned above). I just thought of this to help the reader. Overall, you have done an excellent job with this story!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Entranced. In awe. Enlightened.

    That's how I felt reading your story. It was so poetic; I really think you deserve more credit for this masterpiece. It's a shame you only have one story so far, because now I can hardly wait to see what you have next in mind for the POV you're going to write from. Your use of onomatopoeia at the start of each paragraph added so much more element to the story. The way you wrote kept me guessing what you were referencing to sometimes. Was it a skipping stone he's illustrating? Was it another human being's feet? And I loved that aspect. I honestly can't think of any suggestions for you in your revisions... except to hurry up and post your next story! I wish I was as detailed, well-read, and had as good of a vocabulary as you. I haven't even met you and you already inspire me with your writing. Definitely one of my favorites, James! Fantastic work.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi James,

    I like the layout of your website. It looks really clean and I like the way that it is formatted with the colors. I think your use of the fish has a neutral story teller is very smart. It lets you be impartial to both parties as well as still being able to effectively tell the story. The start of each of your paragraphs are also very unique and interesting. It added a lot more than just the meaning of the three words. It set the tone for the rest of the paragraph. I think maybe adding dialogue to your story might be a good way to make it more relatable. Maybe having the fish think to himself in the form of a thought or talk to another fish might be a good way to incorporate this.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi James, really cool description of your portfolio on your home page! I like the concept you are going for. I think as readers, we sometimes miss important details or perspectives. I enjoyed reading your story Fish Eye Lens. Of all perspectives I thought you might use, a fish' perspective was definitely not one of them. It was perplexing to hear a story from below the water--in footsteps, splashes, muttering. I wonder if you plant to continue using this theme, as your project is a portfolio rather than a storybook. I would love to read more stories from different perspectives. Would you continue to use fish? I think there is so much room to work with for this concept. I would love to hear an epic story from the perspective of a human, perhaps a character that normally gets glossed over. It would be fascinating to see the point of view of a servant, rather than a king for example. Or imagine hearing the Ramayana solely from the perspective of Lakshmana. Great work! I think this was a clever idea for your portfolio. I'm looking forward to getting to read more of your stories.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hiya James, you had me at "bubble, bubble, bubble." Talk about a hook to get me interested but also a little confused? Anyways that confusion was quickly cleared up. The title itself was also awesome as we were seeing this story play out in front of a fish. I really can't wait to see what other perspectives we get in your other stories. The progression of the fish's reactions alone can convey a lot of the story. The banner picture may be better suited to be a fish, but that's just personal opinion. The story itself flows (pun intended) really well! Without even really knowing the characters that well, we can still feel a connection through this fish. It's amazing what an outside perspective can bring to stories. I look forward to reading more of your stories so I can get some more, possibly funny, perspectives. I really like where you're taking your project.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts